Repairing Relationships Broken by Addiction

And it’s sort of like going deeper than just like, Oh, my God, she’s the worst, you know? Yeah, if nothing else, you don’t have to agree with what your partner is saying. But to acknowledge your partner’s perspective to say, Well, ideally, the gold standard if you can authentically do this, which is always possible to say, well, I could see why you might feel that way. And just step into I’m sorry, that that was harmful, or you felt hurt by that.

  • I am the third of four sons, each about two years apart.
  • And that’s got a blog for couples addiction recovery, it’s couple
  • The survival of our marriage lived in that forgiveness.
  • Then, the sun came out as they walked down the aisle.
  • What I initially regretted was Bill’s lost charm and warmth.

Fans began speculating that the couple’s marriage was on the rocks after Manganiello shared a “cold” birthday tribute to Vergara and did not accompany her on her trip. While the couple did not reveal why they called it quits, the “Modern Family” alum has been living it up in Italy with her friends to commemorate her 51st birthday. In a 2019 interview with Men’s Health, the “Spider-Man” actor explained that he was struggling with alcohol back in the early days when his career was taking off. However, a second source told the outlet that Vergara “could not have been more supportive” of her estranged husband’s sobriety over the years. Stephens cites this kind of support as evidence that, with her marriage, she is “one of the lucky ones,” but her husband made it clear that he feels luck was on his side as well. “I’m always thinking about the future and quite a forward-thinking kind of person …

Sobriety Can’t Save an Alcoholic Marriage.

One (or both) partner’s substance use can become the source of arguments. Recovery from substance use disorder can cause many changes in your marriage — not all of them positive. But with support, your marriage can survive. Jules’ recovery has been as much about finding herself and living her truth but rather about reclaiming her life from alcoholism.

During this time, options for you include joining a support group for spouses of alcoholics to process your own emotions, address any codependency and help you think clearly. Private therapy for you can also be helpful. There are also support groups for children of alcoholics. Your spouse must accept responsibility, seek treatment, and get sober.

Letting go is hard, but staying stuck here is far more painful.

It’s possible to re-establish trust after it has been broken, but it takes time. A recovering addict should expect to come clean about everything they have been holding back from their spouse or partner as a starting point. From there, the spouse or partner will be the one to set some ground rules about gaining trust back. After a pattern where trust has been betrayed repeatedly, rebuilding it will be a lengthy process.

  • Early in recovery, people tend to have high expectations of others without thinking about what they themselves are bringing to the table.
  • When one person in the family develops a substance abuse issue, it doesn’t solely affect them.
  • I called in sick, the first time ever in my life.
  • Setting healthy boundaries and practicing good self-care can help you maintain overall well-being.

Even when he was in recovery, we didn’t talk about it. “My therapist introduced me to my first sponsor who sent me to my first 12 step meeting. There was something about the people there that I couldn’t put my finger on that kept me going. I know now that it was the light inside of them – the sunlight of the spirit – that spoke to me. One of addiction’s stereotypes is that it only affects those with dysfunctional families or a history of abuse. But when we spoke with Jules, we learned her story defied those ideas conclusively.

Put Your Feelings in Writing

However, it is rare to read a book that integrates the parallel recovery process that is necessary for couples in which one individual is in sobriety and the other is not. I was irrational and, often, my insecurities weighed out over reason, which meant he tip-toed around me and couldn’t be open with his feelings. I would rage over little things like not receiving a phone call or text message in what I thought was a timely manner. I spent too much money and had nothing to show for it so he had to hide money to make sure the bills got paid.

Sure, the hangovers sucked and made working life increasingly difficult, but it seemed like a small price to pay for grabbing life by the horns. At first, we were having the time of our lives. New country (for both of us), new people new adventures. My husband and marriage problems after sobriety I had never spent more than a couple of weeks physically together before he moved halfway across the world to be with and marry, me. I just read one of your stories, and I really need some advice. I’m three years sober, and I am now separated from my husband.